Why "Going With the Flow" Is Ruining Your Summer (And What To Do Instead)
There's definitely a relief that I feel at the end of the school year. The final month(s) are very intense, all with lovely things such as sports days, graduations, school tours but they are FULL. And they require a lot of emotional and organisational labour to make them happen, track who needs what on what day and the emotional meltdowns from the kids. So when the school bags are hung up, the packed lunches are done and the uniforms are put away you feel… relieved. Delighted, even.
There's the initial relief of phew, ok, all that mental gymnastics is over, we can breathe and be less stuck to external timetables. And then, somewhere underneath that, a little bit of dread starts to settle in.
Here where I live in Ireland it's 8 weeks of summer holidays for primary school and 12 for secondary school. It's a long time without any structure.
For so many women; working mothers, self-employed parents, stay-at-home mothers; the summer holidays arrive with a mix of genuine joy and low-level panic. You've cobbled together some childcare and mentally mapped out a few days. And you're kinda just hoping it will all come together. But it often doesn't, not in the way you imagined.
And that's not because you're doing it wrong. It's because we've been sold a version of summer that doesn't match reality and I think it's time we are honest about it and stop pretending and performing.
The Myth of the Breezy Summer
We've all absorbed the idea that summer should be effortless, spontaneous and go-with-the-flow. We imagine slow mornings, picnic lunches and long bright evenings. And while some of that is absolutely possible, the fantasy tends to gloss over something really important: wide open, unstructured time is actually really hard to navigate.
For children who thrive on routine, the sudden absence of school days can mean boredom, dysregulation and a lot of "I'm hungry" before 9am. For you, the person holding it all together, unstructured time can quickly become reactive time, jumping from demand to demand, putting out small fires and never quite catching a breath.
Before you know it, you're in endurance mode with your head down, getting through it as you always do but counting down the days until September.
Adding to that if you or your kids are neurodivergent, these wide open spaces can be so dysregulating and anxiety inducing.
The Hidden Cost of Winging It
The problem with winging it isn't just that your days feel chaotic. It's what happens over time when you consistently put yourself last.
When there's no plan, no structure, and no intentional space carved out for your own needs, you end up running on empty. You give and give, managing everyone else's experience of the summer while slowly depleting your own reserves. It's not even that noticeable at the time - you just get on with it and it's just the way it is.
And then September arrives, and instead of feeling rested and ready, you are exhausted, resentful and running on fumes. Which helps no one, not you, not your kids, not the work or life you're trying to build.
It's worth naming something here too: despite it being 2026, research consistently shows that the mental and emotional load of managing summer, the childcare logistics, the activities planning, the emotional attunement falls disproportionately on women in heterosexual relationships. This isn't a ‘you’ issue, it's a structurally crappy reality. But it does mean that if you don't consciously decide to do things differently, the default will always pull you towards doing more, planning more, carrying more.
Why Structure Isn't the Enemy of a Good Summer
When we go from super busy and overstructured during the school year, it can be really tempting to swing to the other side of the pendulum - to the idea of wide open breezy days and weeks. But what often gets forgotten in the "just relax and enjoy it" narrative: a loose plan and a light structure can be genuinely supportive. For everyone.
Structure doesn't mean rigid schedules or colour-coded spreadsheets. It doesn't mean squeezing out spontaneity or fun. But it can mean:
Knowing roughly what your days and weeks will look like
Having some anchors in place so you're not starting from scratch every morning
Being clear on when you will work, when you'll be with your kids, and when (very importantly) you will rest and recharge and have time for things that you want to do
Building in some consistency that children can rely on, so they feel safe and settled
When you have that kind of gentle framework you can actually feel freer, not hemmed in. Because the decisions are already made, the mental load is lighter and you can be more present, because you're not constantly figuring out what comes next.
What It Means to Be a Well-Resourced Woman This Summer
Being a well-resourced woman this summer means making yourself part of the plan not as an afterthought, not as a reward if everything else goes smoothly, but as a non-negotiable baseline. It means asking yourself some honest questions before the holidays even begin:
What do I actually want this summer to feel like?
What do I need to feel calm, energised and present?
Where do I need support, and have I asked for it?
What am I carrying that I can put down, even temporarily?
What am I saying yes to out of obligation that I could say no to?
These are the questions that make everything else more sustainable and possible.
How To Create a Simple, Supportive Summer Plan
You don't need a complicated system. You need clarity. Here's a simple framework to get you started.
Step 1: Get clear on what you want. Before you plan logistics, spend ten minutes imagining what a genuinely good summer would feel like for you. Not a perfect summer, a good one. What would you be doing? How would your days feel? What would you have more of, and less of?
Step 2: Map the non-negotiables. Write down your caring responsibilities and any work or professional commitments. These are your fixed points. Everything else gets built around them.
Step 3: Identify the gaps and ask for help. Where are the childcare gaps? Where are you relying on things that feel shaky? Now is the time to problem-solve, not in week three of the holidays when you're already stretched.
Step 4: Build in something for you. This isn't a luxury add-on. Block out time for the things that restore you, whether that's a walk in the morning, a coffee alone, an evening to read, or an afternoon to work on something you love. Put it in the plan with the same weight and importance as everything else.
Step 5: Keep it light. This is a plan that’s meant to support you, not stress you out or make you perform more. So build in flexibility and allow for imperfect days. Know that imperfect execution of a good plan is infinitely better than no plan at all.
The Pay-Off Is Real
When you take even a small amount of time before the summer begins to get clear and intentional, something changes in your nervous system and in your overly busy brain..
You feel excited instead of anxious. Prepared instead of reactive. You arrive in September with some energy still in the tank, rather than dragging yourself over the finish line into autumn.
And perhaps more importantly: your children get a version of you that isn't constantly overwhelmed. Your work gets a version of you that can actually think. And you get a summer that feels like something you actually lived not just survived.
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
If you're reading this and thinking yes, I want that but I genuinely don't know where to start, I want you to know that is completely understandable. Planning for yourself, when you're used to planning for everyone else, can feel unfamiliar and even a little uncomfortable.
That's exactly why I created the Summer of Simplicity Workshop, a focused, practical masterclass designed to help you build a clear, spacious and supportive plan for your summer months.
In the workshop, I guide you step by step through crafting a plan that ensures you are not at the bottom of the list, so you can retain your energy, enjoy the season and not arrive in September running on empty.
The live workshop has already taken place, but the replay is available now for €35. With the option of a short one to one support to make sure it gets done and the barriers are unlocked. It's 60–90 minutes of action, no fluff and you'll walk away with your summer plan complete.
