I'm not sure work-life balance exists but here are 3 things to consider....

L-R, Claire Mullin, Linda Gorham, Annie Connaughton, Gillian Rooney, Ciara Bowens, Sara Slattery (Me!), Martina Carr

I recently spoke at a wellness event in my hometown of Dunmore, Co Galway with 6 other talented local women. I was interviewed by the lovely Linda Gorham who in addition to being an excellent MC runs a gorgeous online wellness store called Your North Star.

Our conversation centered around the contentious topic work-life balance. There are so many layers to this conversation and while we barely scratched the surface, we had a great chat and could have spoken all evening. In the time we had, I raised 3 points to consider in relation to creating more balance in our lives. The summary of these topics are below and you can read the full transcript of the conversation here.

LG: So, work-life balance: what’s the magic formula? Is there such thing? 

SS: It really is THE question Linda, isn’t it? And of course I have all the answers here and am going to trademark the formula and sell it worldwide! Joking of course, but it’s such a huge topic and we could go down many roads with it. It is so complicated. But for this evening's 15-minute conversation, I’d like to highlight 3 points, which hopefully you could consider and think a little differently about when leaving this evening.

The first is to consider that balance is completely subjective, and what is a balanced life for me could be the complete opposite to you. Some people could consider my life to be totally boring, at home all day, and I may look at others wondering how they do all those hours and travelling, but it may be exciting and really work for them.

We need to stop looking externally and look at ourselves and define what is success for us, not what society tells us, not what our siblings do, what our parents think of or what the parents of our children's classmates do. Figure out what’s important to you, your values, and from that, define what is success for you and your family, and then balance can become clearer.

We go off piste following a success journey that is not even ours to begin with. Work-life balance is unique to you, your family situation, and it’s up to you to decide what that is. 

LG: The sounds good Sara. I know when we spoke before, you mentioned the concepts of the second shift and the mental load, and I was blown away by these. Could you say some more here?

SS: Yes, so the second shift is a concept that sociologists have put forward as one of the reasons why women don't progress to leadership positions in the workplace as much as their male colleagues. And the reason is that when many women clock off from their paid job, a second shift of work begins, which is the majority of caregiving, the housecleaning and generally running of the family. And caregiving can be related to elderly parents or a sibling with additional needs, not just children. Even in this day and age, women are doing most of this unpaid and undervalued work.

The mental load then is a related concept. And it’s the reality that the majority of women, and particularly mothers, carry a million to-do list in their heads every day, all to do with the running of the family and the home. Remembering the children's vaccine schedule, knowing when the next set of clothes come out of the press, thinking ahead for Christmas, remember birthday presents and cards for kids’ friends and also for the inlaws. They all sound trivial and not a problem individually, but when there are 100s running through our heads we become essentially the project managers of our home. Say for example your child gets sick, mother first notices that the child is sick, googles the symptoms, searches in a Facebook parenting group they are on, post on a Facebook parenting group, researches the best remedy for said ailment, makes the decision that a doctor’s appointment is necessary, makes appointment. Partner brings child to doctor. Apparently the execution of a task is only 25% of the actual work, and who does the other 75%?? We have to begin to notice these patterns and let go of the idea that ‘I am better at this stuff’, and divide out responsibilities and ensure that you are not carrying all of this. Of course if you are a single parent, then you are carrying all of this and need a huge amount of support.

The reason why the second shift and the mental load are important is because they are some of the contributaries to why women don't move into leadership positions. They weigh up their level of responsibility at home and at work and make a very rational decision that it’s not worth it. So until we have equality in the home, we won’t have equality in the workplace.

The third point relates to creating and maintaining boundaries. The line between work and home is becoming evermore blurred, which can be great in one way with working from home options, company phones, etc., but at what cost? Is there an expectation that you are to be more accessible with email and calls way outside of your paid working hours? Many of us have experience of taking one day a week parental leave, but then cramming 5 days’ work into it despite only getting paid for 4. That’s a complete infringement of your work-life balance and needs to be addressed. It can be difficult to challenge the workplace culture, but small changes can be made. For example, if the culture in your office is to stay until 6pm even though your contract states that 5pm is your finish time, consider leaving at 5.55pm in the beginning and see how it feels - small steps.

Being self employed, your boundaries need to be impeccable. Just because someone sends you a DM at 10pm, you do not need to respond. Set your hours for responding to clients and try as best you can to stick to it. Our phones do not need to control us - switch off notifications and relax.

If you are a stay-at-home mother, you also need to watch your boundaries. It can often be the case that household jobs are left to you because it is ‘easier’, like bringing the car for a service or picking up birthday presents. In my experience, these jobs are much easier to do during breaks in the paid work environment when you don't have 3 kids hanging off you.  

If you don’t have children and you are being asked to babysit for a niece or nephew a little more often than you would like, you don't need to say yes. If you are the person asked to stay late at work all the time because you don't have children, say no occasionally and you don't need to provide an explanation.

As a woman, your time and energy are your currency. There is so much unrealised potential in the room because we are so dog-bone tired. We need to reclaim our time and energy so we can be the people we are supposed to be.

So that’s the summary of our conversation, the full transcript is over here. The main points being:

• Define what success & balance is for you (and not what it ‘should’ be)

• Consider if the ‘Second Shift’ and the ‘Mental Load’ affect you

• Create and maintain your boundaries between your work and personal life

If you are interested in having a chat about how coaching could help you in any of these areas, just drop me a line here and we can schedule time to see if this process can help you.